Bren's Day

Just like breathing and eating, having gratitude for your big and small blessings is another thing that you should never live your life without.

I got a lot of comments from my last posts. I know it is difficult to be joyful and grateful during trials and in the mists of pain. These quotes are not what I have accomplished, but what I hope to attain. For me it is an accomplishment just not to have ingratitude and choosing what you think about and dwell upon. If my mind always goes back to an injustice or pain if becomes a vicious cycle of misery. I have found the brain is a complex and amazing organism.

I have a TENS unit for pain. I was told the sensation it sends doesn't stop the pain itself...but by sending the signal to the brain...kind of like short wiring it...so it focuses on the vibration...not your pain. It is sort of like the Lamaza training I used when I had my children. I have used that technique during many procedures at the dentist and for various painful tests. During one of my TMJ surgeries they had to do a nasal intubation. (They now have cameras on their scopes to make it easier.) Back then they spent over an hour trying to get the tube down my nose and into my lungs. I had to be awake for this procedure...and it was very painful.

For that I needed a little bit more than focusing on an image or thought. My hand was free so I tapped a pow wow on the table. Someone actually had the gall to tell the nurse to hold my hand down. Excuse me...I am the one you are poking my nose and neck...and in pain. They later said my neck was deformed and that is why they had so much trouble. The room was filled. My surgeon was the director of the school of Oral Surgery, so all the residents were there since it was such a rare and unusual surgery. Then, because they took so long to intubate me, the surgery room back up and other surgeons came in and complained.

For me just breathing and eating is difficult. I have severe sleep apnea...33 episodes per hour. Without my CPAP I would have a fitful night and be in a lot more pain. It is amazing how much sleep affects our pain level and well being. If I have fallen asleep without my machine it is difficult to even walk. Eating is the worse...I can hardly open my mouth. I have to cut my food into very small pieces and even then it is sometimes difficult to get a spoon in my mouth. Then it very difficult to chew when you don't have any condlyes (the bone at the end of your jaw) or have a TMJ. I now am having difficulty swallowing. When the food finally makes it to my stomach it has not been properly chewed and I have all kinds of digestive issues and PAIN!

So gratitude is a choice. I am not saying go around whistling I am so happy in the mists of your trails. I believe it is about appreciating and admiring the good things. I spend most of my time in bed. I choose to enjoy looking at the birds at my feeder, the flowers on my balcony, and the beautiful silk flower arrangement my sister gave me. "You don't realize what health is until you don't have it. It is hard to be joyful and grateful at that time. I hope you ask for help when you need it, so others can receive a blessing" Donna. Maybe one of the reasons it is easier for me is that I can not remember a time when I wasn't sick or in pain. I had issues even before the TMJ implants...that's why I had such a severe reaction. I can talk about how I got through pain but, I must admit it is difficult to ask for help. I don't want to bother anyone...not a very high opinion of myself.

 "It takes a very courageous Christian to feel this way. God gives us that courage. Thanks for reminding all of us" Rose. Yes, God give us courage.